Re: Multipropose forum

[pyromaniacvineh]

ok, but if it sucks, dont laugh: i swung open the ships door, shooting the pilot, then i got in the ship and headed for the enemy bridge, but i was too close... (ok, i did better than i expected, but ok)

[Evilredhead]

ok, but if it sucks, dont laugh: i swung open the ships door, shooting the pilot, then i got in the ship and headed for the enemy bridge, but i was too close... (ok, i did better than i expected, but ok)

(Good!Now add detail to it.Here is an example of before detailed and after deatiled part of a story about a girl dying,yout tell me which oen is better:

Before detailed:

I was shot,my stomach was bleeding continusly.My life was to be goen soon,"Goodbye."I wihspered then died.

AFter detailed:

BAM!The gun shot me,in the stomach,a deadly hit.It was bleeding nonstop,endless pain.I was layign in a pool o fblood.MY blood.I knew my life was soon to be gone,slippign from my grasp.I could feel my blood run thin."Goodbye...."I wihspered faintly,then fell asleep.AN endless sleep.One i cannot be awaken from.

Which oen is better?XD)

[pyromaniacvineh]

i vote second one!)

[Evilredhead]

(good!Cuzz if you said 1st oen i would have to put you in that specailk class......XD jking!Now,reveiw you story and add good detail to it.)

[pyromaniacvineh]

(ok) i yaked hard on theships door, aiming my pistol i fired one fatal round into my enemy's head, i jumped into the seat and took off as fast as i could, i headed straight for the enemy bridge, i droped the last of my bombs when i realized that i was too close...

[Evilredhead]

(ok) i yaked hard on theships door, aiming my pistol i fired one fatal round into my enemy's head, i jumped into the seat and took off as fast as i could, i headed straight for the enemy bridge, i droped the last of my bombs when i realized that i was too close...

(Great!You had the gift all along!You just needed to unlock it!Brilliant!Now,you need to practicd puttign the five senses into your writing.Like this:

I dug into the grave with my shovel and sent the dirt up,it flew in my face and stung.I could see teh mist of the graveyard swirling aroudn liek ghosts,laughign at me,laughign at my fear.I coudl almost hear teh moaning of them.I finaly struck teh coffin.As i opened it teh aroma of death filled the air,it's chokign smell reaked of 100 years of dead,cold silence.My mouth went dry,a horrible taste filled my mouth and i wanted to scream,but couldn'y as i saw what awaited me int eh grave.

Now,i want you to underline each thing that is part of teh 5 esenses in my story.And doesnt my story leave you kinda hanging?Wanting to knwo what comes next?That's one thign to use fi your stories have chapters,at every chapter leav ethem hanging,wantign them to read more.)

[pyromaniacvineh]

(ok) i yaked hard on theships door, aiming my pistol i fired one fatal round into my enemy's head, i jumped into the seat and took off as fast as i could, i headed straight for the enemy bridge, i droped the last of my bombs when i realized that i was too close...

(Great!You had the gift all along!You just needed to unlock it!Brilliant!Now,you need to practicd puttign the five senses into your writing.Like this:

I dug into the grave with my shovel and sent the dirt up,it flew in my face and stung.I could see teh mist of the graveyard swirling aroudn liek ghosts,laughign at me,laughign at my fear.I coudl almost hear teh moaning of them.I finaly struck teh coffin.As i opened it teh aroma of death filled the air,it's chokign smell reaked of 100 years of dead,cold silence.My mouth went dry,a horrible taste filled my mouth and i wanted to scream,but couldn'y as i saw what awaited me int eh grave.

Now,i want you to underline each thing that is part of teh 5 esenses in my story.And doesnt my story leave you kinda hanging?Wanting to knwo what comes next?That's one thign to use fi your stories have chapters,at every chapter leav ethem hanging,wantign them to read more.)

[Evilredhead]

(ok) i yaked hard on theships door, aiming my pistol i fired one fatal round into my enemy's head, i jumped into the seat and took off as fast as i could, i headed straight for the enemy bridge, i droped the last of my bombs when i realized that i was too close...

(Great!You had the gift all along!You just needed to unlock it!Brilliant!Now,you need to practicd puttign the five senses into your writing.Like this:

I dug into the grave with my shovel and sent the dirt up,it flew in my face and stung.I could see teh mist of the graveyard swirling aroudn liek ghosts,laughign at me,laughign at my fear.I coudl almost hear teh moaning of them.I finaly struck teh coffin.As i opened it teh aroma of death filled the air,it's chokign smell reaked of 100 years of dead,cold silence.My mouth went dry,a horrible taste filled my mouth and i wanted to scream,but couldn'y as i saw what awaited me int eh grave.

Now,i want you to underline each thing that is part of teh 5 esenses in my story.And doesnt my story leave you kinda hanging?Wanting to knwo what comes next?That's one thign to use fi your stories have chapters,at every chapter leav ethem hanging,wantign them to read more.)

(great!You got them all!Nwo you try it with the peice of writing you just detailed.)

[pyromaniacvineh]

(ok) i yaked hard on theships door, aiming my pistol i fired one fatal round into my enemy's head, i jumped into the seat and took off as fast as i could, i headed straight for the enemy bridge, i droped the last of my bombs when i realized that i was too close...

(Great!You had the gift all along!You just needed to unlock it!Brilliant!Now,you need to practicd puttign the five senses into your writing.Like this:

I dug into the grave with my shovel and sent the dirt up,it flew in my face and stung.I could see teh mist of the graveyard swirling aroudn liek ghosts,laughign at me,laughign at my fear.I coudl almost hear teh moaning of them.I finaly struck teh coffin.As i opened it teh aroma of death filled the air,it's chokign smell reaked of 100 years of dead,cold silence.My mouth went dry,a horrible taste filled my mouth and i wanted to scream,but couldn'y as i saw what awaited me int eh grave.

Now,i want you to underline each thing that is part of teh 5 esenses in my story.And doesnt my story leave you kinda hanging?Wanting to knwo what comes next?That's one thign to use fi your stories have chapters,at every chapter leav ethem hanging,wantign them to read more.)

(great!You got them all!Nwo you try it with the peice of writing you just detailed.)

i yaked hard on theships door, aiming my pistol i fired one fatal round into my enemy's head, i could see the bullet pierce hhis skull and move on. i jumped into the seat and took off as fast as i could, the smell fuel and the roar of the ship pounded in my skull. i headed straight for the enemy bridge, i droped the last of my bombs. suddenly i felt my heart stop and a shiver went through my spine as i realized that i was too close..(i cant find anywhere to put taste in)

[Evilredhead]

(ok) i yaked hard on theships door, aiming my pistol i fired one fatal round into my enemy's head, i jumped into the seat and took off as fast as i could, i headed straight for the enemy bridge, i droped the last of my bombs when i realized that i was too close...

(Great!You had the gift all along!You just needed to unlock it!Brilliant!Now,you need to practicd puttign the five senses into your writing.Like this:

I dug into the grave with my shovel and sent the dirt up,it flew in my face and stung.I could see teh mist of the graveyard swirling aroudn liek ghosts,laughign at me,laughign at my fear.I coudl almost hear teh moaning of them.I finaly struck teh coffin.As i opened it teh aroma of death filled the air,it's chokign smell reaked of 100 years of dead,cold silence.My mouth went dry,a horrible taste filled my mouth and i wanted to scream,but couldn'y as i saw what awaited me int eh grave.

Now,i want you to underline each thing that is part of teh 5 esenses in my story.And doesnt my story leave you kinda hanging?Wanting to knwo what comes next?That's one thign to use fi your stories have chapters,at every chapter leav ethem hanging,wantign them to read more.)

(great!You got them all!Nwo you try it with the peice of writing you just detailed.)

i yaked hard on theships door, aiming my pistol i fired one fatal round into my enemy's head, i could see the bullet pierce hhis skull and move on. i jumped into the seat and took off as fast as i could, the smell fuel and the roar of the ship pounded in my skull. i headed straight for the enemy bridge, i droped the last of my bombs. suddenly i felt my heart stop and a shiver went through my spine as i realized that i was too close..(i cant find anywhere to put taste in)

(XD Dat's perfectly fine!Taste is oen of teh harder one to find a spot for but that was amazing!There is only one more writing tip i will teach you today.And that's repeatation.Repetion is when you use a word that ended in a sentance twice to draw attention to that word.Like this:

I was going to die.Die.I onyl had a day to live my dreams,but my hopes were shattered.No hope.Death.Was all that went through my mind.

Try it in your peice fo writing and then that'll complete todays lesson!)

[~*-MaskedMud-*~]

most epic song EVA!)


its epic for me...

[Evilredhead]

(*comes in juggling oranges while Cynder does teh foxtrot*)

[~*-MaskedMud-*~]

(*comes in juggling oranges while Cynder does teh foxtrot*)

Snow!!!)

[Evilredhead]

(*comes in juggling oranges while Cynder does teh foxtrot*)

Snow!!!)

(Mud!!!Bad news......Wendy and Cinderflame two of the kittens died two nights ago.*starts to cry and hugs mud*)

[~*-MaskedMud-*~]

AW!!!)

[~*-MaskedMud-*~]

(*comes in juggling oranges while Cynder does teh foxtrot*)

Snow!!!)

(Mud!!!Bad news......Wendy and Cinderflame two of the kittens died two nights ago.*starts to cry and hugs mud*)

*hugs* do you know why? where they sick or out of food?)

[Evilredhead]

(They had cancer and ended up dying,Cynder had it to but she survived,my little trooper.She's on my lap right know,looking around.Oif!Now she's trying to type on the keyboard!XD dis is by Cynder:iytmvun)

[~*-MaskedMud-*~]

(They had cancer and ended up dying,Cynder had it to but she survived,my little trooper.She's on my lap right know,looking around.Oif!Now she's trying to type on the keyboard!XD dis is by Cynder:iytmvun)

i had a trooper once, i called him steve, you know the spider i found on that day? i called him steve cause he is a FREAKING trooper! he lost all but 2 legs, all he lived! then he died because of bleeding...)

[Evilredhead]

(Oh,read my story,im not even close to finishign it it's just the first chapter,it's abotu this girl named Sam runnign away from her parents because she can see ghosts and they think she's crazy so they make her take pills an dstuff liek that.Here's the link https://darktech.forumotion.net/chatting-f3/the-never-ending-escape-a-story-writen-by-me-t35.htm )

[~*-MaskedMud-*~]

(They had cancer and ended up dying,Cynder had it to but she survived,my little trooper.She's on my lap right know,looking around.Oif!Now she's trying to type on the keyboard!XD dis is by Cynder:iytmvun)

she said: i love muffins and dont know why...)

[Evilredhead]

(They had cancer and ended up dying,Cynder had it to but she survived,my little trooper.She's on my lap right know,looking around.Oif!Now she's trying to type on the keyboard!XD dis is by Cynder:iytmvun)

i had a trooper once, i called him steve, you know the spider i found on that day? i called him steve cause he is a FREAKING trooper! he lost all but 2 legs, all he lived! then he died because of bleeding...)

(XD Poor thing!Oh man!Cynder just discovered what a spider is now she's trying to climb up my wall to get one!XD)

[Evilredhead]

(They had cancer and ended up dying,Cynder had it to but she survived,my little trooper.She's on my lap right know,looking around.Oif!Now she's trying to type on the keyboard!XD dis is by Cynder:iytmvun)

she said: i love muffins and dont know why...)

(XD)

[~*-MaskedMud-*~]

(They had cancer and ended up dying,Cynder had it to but she survived,my little trooper.She's on my lap right know,looking around.Oif!Now she's trying to type on the keyboard!XD dis is by Cynder:iytmvun)

she said: i love muffins and dont know why...)

(XD)

IKR!)

[Evilredhead]

(XD Appparently Cynder likes coke,she's trying to lick teh coke outta the can ive been drinkin coke from!XD OH DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!She spilled it........STUPID CAT!!!!!!!UGH!*groans then grabs rag and wipes coke up*Me gettin a nother one,kitties are off limits from meh coek form now on!!!!!)

[~*-MaskedMud-*~]

(XD Appparently Cynder likes coke,she's trying to lick teh coke outta the can ive been drinkin coke from!XD OH DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!She spilled it........STUPID CAT!!!!!!!UGH!*groans then grabs rag and wipes coke up*Me gettin a nother one,kitties are off limits from meh coek form now on!!!!!)

*gives cyinder a coke* dont tell her!)

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